She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
