Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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