worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
