Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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