i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
