How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
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could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
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Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I lost the right to judge tonight
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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