So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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