Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
