Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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