You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
