when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
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A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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