If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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