Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
