somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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