Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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