I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
