look no pants
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
