i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
