A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
