I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
