whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
