it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
