dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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