You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
