I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Welp...herpes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
