This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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did i just pee glitter
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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