it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
