im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
