WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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