can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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