my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He felt like a one man threesome
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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