Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
