Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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