Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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