you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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