Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
