Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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