you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
