Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
