This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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