I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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