david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
