No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
