I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
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I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
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Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.