True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS