sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
