6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
