If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads