Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.