My hair reeks of homosexuality.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Success! We fucked roommates!
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