so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
