she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
