Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
