I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
