Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
