she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
