couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
