how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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