If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
