They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
