I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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