So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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