it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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