My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
