Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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