She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You are the jesus of drinking
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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