Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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