I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
