i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
