Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
