So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
