I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
handjob tips. give me some.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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