Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
