why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
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You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
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And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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