she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
