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I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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