didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
