ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
