Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
