I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
