she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
