Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize