i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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