Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
