Define "chronic" masturbator.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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