she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
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couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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