it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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