: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
