Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
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I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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