I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just cut my nipple shaving
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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