i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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