I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
