This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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